Going From 1 to 2 Kids: The Truth About the Transition

I'm currently pregnant with my third (18 weeks down, baby!) and I've been wondering how the family dynamic will change when baby #3 comes along. I wondered the same when I was pregnant with my second. I Googled the phrase "going from 1 to 2 kids" so frequently that I may have digested all of the information out there - but I still had questions. This blog is a resource for soon-to-be moms of 2 who, like me, wanted some idea of what to expect when going from 1 to 2 kids.

Disclaimer: the age gap between my first and second is 3.5 years. In speaking from this perspective, I realize that there may be some missing items from my own personal list of truths that smaller or larger age gaps may experience. Not saying it wasn't without its own challenges! That being said, I believe this list will be helpful for anyone who wants to know what will change when going from 1 to 2 kids.

Your first-born will suddenly feel so old

The moment you see how tiny your newborn is, something will switch in you and your first-born will literally feel like a whole giant adult-child. You may begin to naturally give them more responsibilities and ask for their help a lot with the baby. Of course this can be a bonding activity, but don't forget they are still little!

I have to admit I did this a lot with my first. Now that she's older, I can see that, yes, I have created a very independent young lady which I love for her, but also that I could have slowed down and still treated her like the toddler she was for a bit longer. I don't want to say you wish away your first's young years, but you can find yourself asking them to grow up a bit faster than they need to.

You will savor the baby phase a lot more

-And I assume that I'll savor it even more with my third; because every time a new baby comes into your life, you look back and realize how quickly the other(s) went by.

When your first is born, it's easy to slip into a sort of "survival mode". Between the lack of sleep, diaper changes, schedule changes, and figuring out what life looks like with a new baby, time goes by so quickly. When my second was born, I had some experience. I knew what to expect when it came to the diapers, the schedule. and the lack of sleep - but I also knew how quickly all of that would pass. I forced time to slow down and became very intentional with my moments.

Rather than stressing myself out and accidentally wishing this time away, I decided to create calm moments in the chaos. Sometimes this looked like taking the infant to the park so my oldest could play and make friends, my youngest could take his nap, and I could read a book or do some journaling. Creating those slower moments gave me the mindset to see the beauty of the phase of life I was in, rather than staying in fight or flight all the time.

The rhythm and schedule will be forced to change

Depending on the age of your first, you may already have a pretty good rhythm and flow going with your eldest. Going from 1 to 2 kids will most likely completely disrupt that flow.

This flow can fall into 2 categories (again, depending on the age gap you're dealing with): time/schedule changes and financial disruptions. If you have two babies, or a young toddler and a baby, chances are your nap schedule will be wild for a while. If you're changing diapers on both, there will certainly be a shake-up to the rhythm of your day. Outings may also need to be rearranged depending on these factors.

The financial flow can be disrupted if you have an older child who is already participating in activities, sports, or co-ops. You may quickly realize the disparity in how much money you're investing in one child over the other, and start thinking about what your finances will need to look like in a handful of years when your second decides to go into their own activities. Also, daycare can be a huge disruptor to your financial and schedule flow.

The good news is this: everything is temporary. You will find a new rhythm very soon, and these hurdles will not last forever!

Worried about loving the second as much as the first? You're not alone.

I remember having a very genuine fear that I could never love another kid as much as I love my first. After speaking with so many other parents, I realize how universal this fear is. Going from 1 to 2 kids, it is so common to question how much love you can have in your heart for 2 children. In my experience, my heart just expanded to fit double the love.

It is an amazing feeling to meet your second-born for the first time and for all that fear to immediately wash away. I wish more parents of 2 or more kids spoke about this to reassure soon-to-be moms of 2 that it will all be okay. In fact, it will be bliss.

Going out may be a bit more difficult

This is another point that may differ depending on the age gap. The car may need to get bigger. You may feel nervous bringing 2 kids with you to run errands because it might feel like a lot. You may need a double stroller, double the diapers in your diaper bag, or you could just need to learn how to handle an infant car seat without your toddler running out into the parking lot.

If you have an older kid and a baby, you may trust your first not to step out into traffic - but it may have its own challenges. With my third baby, for example, I'm anticipating a bit more difficulty juggling things like grocery shopping and other errands in a way that will still revolve around the schedules of the first two. I may need to drop off my eldest at dance early so I can get groceries before her class is over. I may need my eldest to hold my second's hand while I'm getting the infant seat out of the car.

You will get to witness a beautiful friendship blossoming

And it will be the most rewarding thing ever. No matter the ages of your kids, they will love and look out for each other in a way that is precious and beautiful to behold.

I know some of these points are positive and some are challenges to overcome, but the overall message I'd like to convey is this: time goes fast. You need to slow down and savor it all. Allow yourself to see going from 1 to 2 kids as a blessing that you get to witness rather than a burden you need to "get through". Everything passes with time, and soon enough the house will be clean and quiet, and you'll be reminiscing on these chaotic moments of life that had your heart so full.

If you are interested in learning more about being more intentional with your days as a mom, I invite you to check out my free PDF, The Intentional Mom Reset. Happy parenting!